Wife TUESDAY: Read at your own risk

Yes, it's me, The Wife. I've come back to DD's blog after a long absence because tonight I saw something so shocking and hideous that I have no choice but to post it here. Besides, he deserves it.

I had a tough day at work and fell asleep on the couch this evening. I woke up and everything was quiet, so I decided to just go to bed. I got to the bedroom and noticed the light was on and I looked inside.

There was DD, bending over my underwear drawer.

He was shirtless. DD is never shirtless. Not even at the beach. I think he wears a shirt in the shower.

I just about choked up my chicken pot pie at the sight, but I tried to be as quiet as I could. Then I noticed the camera on the bookshelf. How convenient, I thought.

I backed away slightly and turned the camera on. DD was too busy rifling through my underpants to notice anything. I inched closer.

AHEM, I said.

He turned and looked. SNAP!

I took the picture.

"Uh, may I inquire as to why you're rifling through my underpants and WEARING MY FAVORITE BRA?!?"

DD just sat there, dumbfounded and drooling, still half wearing the bra. "Um ... well ..."

I didn't let him finish. "You are wearing my bra! The Boy could wake up! What would he do if he walked in here and saw you like this?!"

"But FRACAS dared me to!"

"What?"

"Fracas dared me to wear a bra and take a picture! See, I wrote this post with a flow chart on the river flow and said that I did the chart because Jocelyn dared me to and Fracas decided to up the ante. So she dared me to send her a bra photo." The bra was still hanging limply from his shoulders.

"This is a DARE?! What are you, 10? This isn't A Christmas Story, you're 37! You have a house, a wife, a kid, a job! Do you do everything people dare you to do! Did somebody dare you to marry me?"

"Well, no! Of course .."

"And if somebody at work dared you to goose the boss, would you do it?"

"Uh, well, it depends ..."

"NO YOU WOULD NOT! And don't try and tell me you would. So why would you do something like this?"

"See, you don't get it! It was a dare! I have to do a dare! It's a guy thing. Guys have been doing it since Eve dared Adam to eat the apple. It's just something we have to do. In Ancient Rome if a guy didn't meet a dare he would be so humiliated that he'd have to take his own life to save his family's honor."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You're just being a big doofus. I'll show you. I'VE got the bra photo. And I'm not just sending it to Fracas. I'm going to post this thing. On YOUR blog. If there's anybody out there who didn't think you'd fallen off your rocker and lost your noggin by now -- especially after that Frank the Jockstrap post -- then this will take care of it. Goofball. And take that bra off."

DD quietly took the bra off. He's since been on his knees, begging me not to post this, bribing me with housework, offering me back rubs, saying he'd give me chocolate. No, I said, I won't. You need to learn your lesson.

"I'll redo the bathroom and the kitchen. Um ... All by myself."

Hmmmm ...

So, should I post the photo -- which does exist -- or should I get some work done around the house? I'll let you guys help.


Now go wash your eyes out on humor-blogs.com.